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We don`t have to like each other to learn from each other.
We don`t need to be BFFs
or even like each other
for me to respect you and your work.
Affection is a nice bonus. But it`s not a requirement.
There`s a way in which the fetishization of "sisterhood"
-- and the expectation that affection is a precondition for our movements and professional collaborations --
sets us up for disappointment and unnecessary conflict.
If we expect to experience sisterhood...
...if sisterhood is the basis of our movement
...and we find we don`t like our `sister` community members...
...then OF COURSE we will trash, exile and shun them.
We`ll make the people we don`t like the problem, when in fact the real problem is our unrealistic expectation of love-love-love all the time.
You know, `sisterhood`.
Because, once again: we do NOT have to like each other to learn from each other.
And...thank goodness.
Because the `thou shalt be likeable` conditioning that`s drilled into girls and women is one of the things constraining our lives and our voices.
Let`s get free of mandatory gendered likeability, everywhere -- including in our feminist communities.
It`s not about charm.
It`s about a mutual commitment to justice and a future in which we all flourish.
www.kellydiels.com
May 12
***Repeat, Repeat, Repeat***⠀
For years, my biz strategy was to constantly invent new programs and offers -- and then, on top of that, create all new launch material to go with them. ⠀
⠀
Then my folks would graduate and I`d have to invent a new thing for them.
Cue more new instructional content, more new social media posts, more new emails...⠀
⠀
I was always inventing and working and overworking. ⠀
⠀
I always had to deliver a new message. ⠀
⠀
Relatedly: I was always scrambling for cash AND constantly on the verge of burn out.⠀
⠀
But there`s a much easier, and more impactful way to get traction and sales.⠀
⠀
*****Just do one thing and repeat it*****⠀
⠀
Invent one course and all the launch material, and repeat it.
* NO NEW COURSES. Just repeat the same ones.⠀
⠀
* Create a quarterly list-building activity and repeat it.
* The same challenge. The same webinar. The same promo posts and emails. REPEAT THEM.⠀
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* Develop your One True Marketing Message and repeat it, EVERYWHERE.⠀
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* Write a call-to-action for your social media posts and repeat it at the bottom of all of them, like a hemline. ⠀
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That`s how you get known for something. ⠀
⠀
And when you pour ALL your energy into one thing, instead of many things, it grows.⠀
⠀
Instead of rolling 47 rocks up the hill, roll ONE...
...and see how much faster and easier it is to get where you want to go.⠀
⠀
Want to flourish financially in your business without burning out? REPEAT YOURSELF.⠀
⠀
(See this post? I`ve published it many, many, MANY times. REPEAT YOURSELF.)
_____________⠀⠀
www.kellydiels.com
May 10
MONEY, WOMEN AND CARE
At the best of times, and always, there is a cultural expectation that women care.
That women care-give.
That women will lean in & help out & emotionally support & take care of everyone and everything.
On the one hand, that`s WONDERFUL.
Care is the glue that holds our societies, workplaces, families and relationships together. It is precious & ESSENTIAL and we should all be doing it (not just women).
Care & caregiving is one of the most valuable skills anyone can possess and contribute.
And yet...as a society, we devalue it.
We erase it from view.
We download it disproportionately onto the shoulders of women.
We make it a non-negotiable feature of being a woman.
Because this is a foundational belief of our society: that “Woman = uncompensated caregiver" and that women OWE their emotional labour and caregiving to the world.
That belief is present all the time. It`s especially intense during social crisis when the needs of others are multiplied.
That`s why we often see pushback on social media (and in our inboxes, ask me how I know) against women entrepreneurs --especially if you do care work like teaching or coaching -- who have the AUDACITY to promote their work or charge for their services *when people need them most*.
How dare women ask for compensation when our collective unconscious belief about women dictates that they should be *volunteering* their care, time & services?!
If you are a women entrepreneur and receive that kind of pushback or outrage, please note that this is not actually about you, the quality of your work or your prices.
It is about the cultural mandate that women should care for free.
And we get to reject it.
____________________
www.kellydiels.com
image by @broobs.psd
May 5
Time to incubate an idea is essential for output…
...and allowing yourself that time is NOT procrastination.
And actual procrastination — as in, you have the idea fully cooked but do not want to sit your ass down and do it — might not always be a bad thing.
In fact, procrastination can be a source of good information.
In Antifragile, for example, Nassim Nicholas Taleb talks about the value of procrastination for a writer:
“If I defer writing a section, it must be eliminated. This is simple ethics: Why should I try to fool people by writing about a subject for which I feel no natural drive?”
I’ve started using this as a point of discernment.
Sometimes I’ll outline a book or an essay…and then do.not.want.to.write one chapter or section. Often it’s a topic I feel obliged to cover rather than excited to consider.
In those instances, maybe my procrastination is instructive.
Maybe if I don’t want to write about it, maybe it’s not for me to write.
Maybe it doesn’t really need to be written by me nor included in my essay/chapter/blog post/book.
Maybe I need to reclaim and honour my no.
** No maybe about it.**
So now, if I’m procrastinating hard on a topic and it’s not fear of going into hard places but simple nope-don’t-wanna-do-it, I delete that section or chapter or letter and move on to what does interest me and what I DO want to write.
Because procrastination can be GREAT information.
Listen to it. Leverage it.
***
I`m Kelly Diels and I write about women, power and culture-making. Want weekly doses of radical encouragement + make-shit-happen advice? You can subscribe to my #SundayLoveLetter with the link in profile -- and thank you!
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May 4
